Goals for the year
Here we are, almost a month later and I haven’t written. But here’s to making changes.
Writing is actually part of my list of goals for the year. Tyler and I are both making space for each other to fill up. Some of Tyler’s things have been to meditate after work before coming home or playing in an indoor soccer league with our brother in law, or going on a run. We realized I didn’t have anything like that for me and I desperately needed it. Not that I don’t like being at home with my boys- I actually genuinly miss them when they’re sleeping in a room over. Side note- how is that even possible? To have them right there but still miss them? And also counting down the minutes for nap or bedtime, but then wanting them to be awake when they have fallen asleep. It is the most odd juxtaposition.
Anyways.
For a few years, I’ve felt a bubbling up of thoughts that spark some sort of emotion and I want to write about them but I haven’t had time or space to do that. We’re making time and space for that now. I’m looking forward to this so much. Even if it’s not writing, having time to get away from the chaos and mess of our house and going somewhere were I don’t have to look at the toys, laundry, or dirty dishes around me and feel guilty for not taking care of it when I have a second, and instead, reading or listening to a podcast.
Some other things on the list of goals I hope to get even remotely close to meeting are being more present. And of cource, I couldn’t have simple bullet point goals. The goal of being more present is actually broken into subcategories that will help explain how I am going to do that. 1. Making eye contact and maintaining it while in conversation. Just this last weekened, we spent New Years in Sunriver. A couple days into the trip and about halfway through the day, I realized I hadn’t actually really looked at anyones faces we were sharing the space with. We all had been in converastion ALL DAY! This really bothered me. I’m not sure why. But it’s something I’ve noticed I do. I don’t do it when I’m content and happy with no anxiety. 2. Less technology. Who doesn’t have this goal, honestly. I want to look into getting a watch that has no technology attached to it. Right now, I have a fitbit and something about it makes me feel chained to technology and I don’t like it (unless it’s tracking my workout and let’s be real, I am no where close to doing that right now. #nursingprobs #lowsupply and I-already-have-no-time-to-shower-how-will-I-ever-find-time-to-workout problems). 3. Use our fancy digital camera to take photos and videos instead of my phone and upload them to my phone later. Another one somewhat related but also separate is to 4. read more books and listened to more podcasts and audiobooks and watch less tv. Tyler and I both realized holding a book with a new baby is nearly impossible. He got an eReader and I think I want to get one too. That’s not really technology, right?
Another goal is not giving unsolicited advice or too much information that is unnecessary for the other person. I don’t think I actually have this problem all the time, but every once in a while, it just happens and I always want to go back in time and wish I didn’t do that.
Tyler and I have some other ones together like diving into these intimacy cards he got for me but we both quickly realized were too triggering at the time we got them. We’ve done a lot of internal work since then, Tyler especially, and we think we’re ready. Also pursuing a new sexual relationship. I’m okay saying this on here since the only person that I will be sending the link to this to is my grandma… she’s the one who has pushed me to start writing again. Yes, I’m doing this for myself,. But she’s my real audience. I want to be like her when I grow up. I would do anything for her.